Grateful for: Ownership, and Disownership
Here is just one way I can tell that I still have healing to do in this lifetime:
When I see someone doing something that just doesn’t seem “right” to me; when I see someone expecting another person to take responsibility for them; when someone acts toward me with what appears to be unkindness or selfish intent; when a painful memory from years past pops into my head …
And it bothers me.
The anger, resentment, irritability, whatever … that is a sign of healing left to be done. Whatever is pushing those buttons, chances are the buttons are actually woundedness from long ago. It’s not something that exists in the present, but I’ve still carried it with me.
Today I am expressing gratitude for ownership. I am able to own my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and overall spiritual well-being. I can own my happiness and take responsibility for it. I no longer view myself as a victim of life’s whims, because in every situation, I have a choice – whether it’s to walk away, keep on going, or just to simply choose a better outlook.
In that, I reclaim my power.
I also express gratitude for disownership. The thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and actions of another person don’t belong to me – even if that person says that I caused them. That’s because they, too, always have a choice. That’s not an excuse to act like a jerk and then feel like I have the right to get off scot-free. It is, however, a sanity saver when I catch myself feeling I need to behave or think in a certain way in order to gain someone’s approval or avoid their wrath. It’s also a concept that has helped me to offload mountains of guilt.
I hope that you’ll own this day, and all days, and seize it with all of your power – for kindness, joy, peace, and happiness.
Change: The Great Constant
“The one constant in life is change.”
I might be mangling that quote, but dang, isn’t it the truth? Like I mentioned in my last post, I haven’t come across any situation yet that’s permanent. That point was driven home to me today.
In addition to my full-time “get dressed up and sit behind a computer” job, I have for many years worked part time as a group fitness instructor. Today I found out that the gym where I have taught for many years (and where I have loved working) was sold to a national chain. There was much frenzied exchange between myself and other instructor friends, as we were all taken by surprise. Much of our discussion revolved around fear of the unknown … what was going to happen to us, the members, the other people who work there?
There is certainly a difference between the change that you initiate yourself, and the change that’s brought on by outside events. In the former, you feel a sense of being in control. You’re the one who decided! The latter, though, is much more frightening. What does the future hold? Why would someone else make a decision that directly influences me so much? It’s often unwanted, and it can provoke many unsettling emotions – anger, sadness, fear.
I’m sad that this era is coming to an end. This wasn’t the fanciest gym but it’s always been the friendliest. I’ve worked for more high-end places, and they might have paid more or had fancier equipment or nicer locker rooms, but it just wasn’t as welcoming or rewarding. I’ve made genuine friendships, and the good thing is that those will stay with me long after the transition has ended. Nonetheless, I’ll miss it. It’s been a great run.
And so it goes with change … some of it is welcome, some of it is not. But it’s a fact of life, and today I am focused on acceptance of this. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
You’re ALL Good
Feelings can be so darn inconvenient sometimes, no? There can be tears when you want them the least, anger when you’d rather just get along, jealousy and envy when you feel like you should just be happy for someone – hence producing guilt and shame, a whole other set of things you don’t want to feel.
Many of us have been socialized to believe that only certain feelings are acceptable. Usually, it’s something along the happy-content-complacent scale. Anger is to be stuffed, tears only shown at the appropriate moment (which is likely in private), and so on. Being pleasant and happy and “approachable” is often the mark we think we should hit 100 percent of the time.
But, here’s the rub. We’re human. Our feelings are natural and part of us, just like the physical parts of our body. Attempting to control what we’re feeling – when the basis of it is I shouldn’t be feeling this way – only leads to more emotional destruction later on. We learn to not feel certain things, or to express those feelings inappropriately, or to not even express them at all.
In my journey of self-discovery and growth, I’ve had to learn that all of my feelings are OK, that they aren’t necessarily facts, they aren’t fatal, and that they will pass – good and bad. They also belong to me and me alone. Nobody else has the right to control them, and ultimately, no one else can. I’ll keep on feeling whatever I’m feeling no matter what someone else says I should feel.
All of your feelings are yours, and they are precious. Recognize them, honor them, learn how they influence you. Express your truth as honestly and appropriately as possible. Give yourself that measure of acceptance. You’re worth it.
Young Spirit, Old Soul 