Grateful for: Bidding Farewell to My Victimhood
Sorry for falling down on the job yesterday – I blame the food coma 🙂 Hope everyone had a happy and blessed Thanksgiving!
I used to walk around pretty much feeling like I was a victim of life’s cruel whims. I mean, after all, so many other people out there were so much better off than I was. They had more money, better jobs, nicer cars, loving spouses, you name it. Since none of this stuff had found its way into my life, I felt like a constant recipient of misfortune. So many other people had it so much easier, it seemed, and it had all just been handed to them.
As I began my healing journey, something amazing happened … I learned about the magic of gratitude. I learned to view life from a mindset of abundance, vs. from a mindset of want. And what do you know … I went from feeling like I had nothing to seeing that I actually had everything I needed – provided for me on a daily basis.
Something else incredible happens, I find, when I cultivate a mindset of positive energy and abundance. It attracts more positive things, and even more abundance. For one, I believe that putting positive energy into the world actually moves my spirit and being in that positive direction. For another, it seems that the Higher Power – as I call it, God – is happy to bring us more once we appreciate what we already have.
I am NOT a victim of fate, circumstances, or “bad things.” I am instead empowered to treasure and appreciate everything I have in my life today, right now, this very minute.
Grateful for: Past experiences
Today’s gratitude installment: I am thankful for past experiences, or specifically in this case, relationships that are no longer a part of my life.
I am trying to make a conscious effort to no longer say that a relationship “didn’t work out.” True, we decided we didn’t want to be together anymore in the capacity that we once were. That usually means no longer having contact with each other. But just because we aren’t together anymore doesn’t necessarily mean that things didn’t work out. It means that in the natural progression of things, our lives moved on, and as such, our paths diverged.
But in those times when we were a part of each other’s lives, we had some great experiences. We laughed. We supported each other. We had some great moments and memories together.
In ending things, it helped me to decide what I want or didn’t want in the future. It’s given me an assessment of how well (or not well) I was able to relate to another person from an intimate perspective. I could compare it to my education: Even if I never again used the lessons I learned in school, I don’t feel it was necessarily a waste of time for me to learn them.
All of these experiences brought me to the place where I am now. As I work to make peace with my past, release my resentments, and move toward a place of maintaining serenity and spiritual contentment, the lens through which I look at my past has a huge influence on that. It’s impossible for me to move forward joyfully if I keep trying to drag past baggage along for the ride.
Today, I am grateful for the people of my past, no matter what pain or sadness it might have brought me at one time. I am choosing to release them with loving kindness.
Grateful for: Ownership, and Disownership
Here is just one way I can tell that I still have healing to do in this lifetime:
When I see someone doing something that just doesn’t seem “right” to me; when I see someone expecting another person to take responsibility for them; when someone acts toward me with what appears to be unkindness or selfish intent; when a painful memory from years past pops into my head …
And it bothers me.
The anger, resentment, irritability, whatever … that is a sign of healing left to be done. Whatever is pushing those buttons, chances are the buttons are actually woundedness from long ago. It’s not something that exists in the present, but I’ve still carried it with me.
Today I am expressing gratitude for ownership. I am able to own my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and overall spiritual well-being. I can own my happiness and take responsibility for it. I no longer view myself as a victim of life’s whims, because in every situation, I have a choice – whether it’s to walk away, keep on going, or just to simply choose a better outlook.
In that, I reclaim my power.
I also express gratitude for disownership. The thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and actions of another person don’t belong to me – even if that person says that I caused them. That’s because they, too, always have a choice. That’s not an excuse to act like a jerk and then feel like I have the right to get off scot-free. It is, however, a sanity saver when I catch myself feeling I need to behave or think in a certain way in order to gain someone’s approval or avoid their wrath. It’s also a concept that has helped me to offload mountains of guilt.
I hope that you’ll own this day, and all days, and seize it with all of your power – for kindness, joy, peace, and happiness.
“I Choose to be Free”
The title of this post is an affirmation I got today (Daily Affirm app, for those who are curious). After a few days of feeling a bit unsettled and tossed about, I felt like I was finally turning a corner and feeling like my normal self again. And it was a great reminder about how much of life comes down to choice.
Yesterday, a woman at my meditation group talked about learning the nuances of her emotions – optimistic, restless, anguished, irritated, and so on. I found that by learning the different shades of my emotions – and learning to feel them and correctly identify their source (sometimes, for me, they were not what they seemed) – I can make better choices for dealing with them. Sometimes that just means sitting through them and praying for help.
But what struck me most about this woman was saying is that how she learned to choose to stay to a more positive outlook – rather than sitting through an internal, self-created downpour and feeling like there was no way out of it. Instead of playing the role of victim, I can take responsibility for my outlook and therefore become empowered.
I was out with friends when we witnessed another woman first walk into a surprise birthday, and then receive a proposal from her boyfriend. I know that in the past I would’ve been straight-up jealous of this person. “Why can’t someone love me enough to do that for me? How come good things only happen to other people? Why aren’t I that lucky?” Me, me, me … poor, pitiful me.
Instead, I felt genuinely happy for her – I didn’t let jealousy eat away at my inner peace. But also, I realized I didn’t know a damn thing about that woman, her life, her pain, her joy, whatever. It was a celebratory moment. It wasn’t mine, but in a small way, I got to share in it.
I am choosing more to be grateful … to not fight the universe … to not fight and struggle with people and situations that are out of my control. I want to BE peace, and harmony, and loving-kindness.
That’s what I choose for me, and I am happy to make that choice.
How to Change Anything
(Sorry for being away for a while, gang … nothing big going on here, just living life. I missed you!)
Do I have your attention? Good! Pull up a chair. I’m going to tell you how to change anything to become exactly what you want it to be.
Here’s the catch: You might have to change what you want. Or you might have to open yourself to different outcomes. In either case, it’s absolutely imperative to admit you have no control over what’s happening.
The only thing any of us have control over is ourselves – our attitudes, thoughts, behaviors, actions.
Once you’ve got that down pat, I can guarantee that you will change any situation drastically, because you will feel so much more freedom around it. Isn’t it so much more freeing to let go of a situation, rather than scratching and scraping and digging to try to figure out exactly what you need to do in order to produce the outcome you’re looking to create?
“There are two things you can do in any situation: Accept it, or change it.”
I’m not sure if I have that quote exactly right. I think it’s a good one. But I also think there’s a middle way. You can accept it, and change your attitudes and thoughts about it at the same time. Changing it can mean walking away from it, or at least detaching from it.Â
The real secret to changing any situation, person, place, or thing, is to let go of it. Release it to the universe. Give it away. Realize it isn’t yours to master, steer, or coerce. Of course, changing the curtains in your house is one thing. But thinking a person needs to behave how you see fit is not the answer. (Conversely, watch out for other people who would look to have this sort of control over you.)
I’ve had a series of encounters lately where I’ve thought, “good grief, why can’t this person shape up and just do what they are supposed to do?” (Translated: Why can’t they do what I want them to do?)
Answer: I have no idea. It’s not up to me, not mine to control. But when I think about why I want this person’s behavior to change, it’s because I’m wanting them to act in a manner that would leave me more comfortable in our interactions. It’s not wrong for me to want that. If we had a different type of relationship, I would probably walk away from it. That’s not a viable option for me in this case, so this is what I’m asking myself:
- What’s the lesson here that I am meant to learn? (I think it’s a need to extend more compassion to understand what’s behind this person’s behavior, while also reclaiming my emotional power for myself. A combination of empathy and detachment.)
- How can I act in a way that is in accordance to my heart and spirit? I strive to step away from hostility and contempt. I can be direct and firm without being disrespectful.
- How can I maintain a sense of peace and serenity in this situation? (By doing all of the above!)
I feel like the biggest lesson I’ve learned and taken to heart lately is this: Everything will be just fine if I just let go to the unfolding universe. Good things will happen for me, much beyond what I ever could have dreamed or planned, if I just allow for it to be. I am always where I am intended to be, no matter how difficult or trying it may be.
There is something being worked out in me, a sense of knowledge or wisdom that is coming my way and will become clear – eventually!
Young Spirit, Old Soul 