The Abandoned Shopping Cart
Is anyone out there familiar with the concept of the “abandoned shopping cart” in the realm of internet marketing/sales? Basically, this is when someone shops online, adds product(s) to their virtual shopping cart, but never clicks through to buy. Maybe they decided the shipping costs were too high, or they clung to a resolve to stick to a budget and this purchase just wasn’t going to fit. Maybe their favorite TV show came on, or the phone rang, or the dog barfed on the rug, or they just found a product they liked better somewhere else.
Some internet retailers run near-obsessive campaigns to bring you back to that purchase. Maybe you’ll get an email the day after you abandoned that cart, perhaps even with a discount involved if you decide to go ahead and buy.
But when you get back to that “shopping cart,” isn’t that a sad image? The word “abandoned” … picturing it as isolated, forgotten … you could say it’s a strange thing for me to get sentimental about, but I’d like to think it’s my empathy speaking.
Now for a personal story of my own experience as the metaphoric “abandoned shopping cart.”
I randomly met someone … he approached me, we started talking and getting to know each other a bit. We spent a little time together. Even though I hadn’t been looking to date and wasn’t feeling especially pressed to get into a relationship, my initial impressions of him were that he was the kind of person I’d pursue. While outwardly I was tempering my excitement, inside I was feeling good about it and where it was going.
In my mind, I felt we were going to keep getting to know each other, and I was enjoying the process.
And then …. nothing.
My text messages went unanswered. No response. I was hoping I’d hear something … anything … but it seemed that wasn’t forthcoming.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt and confused by it all. What had I done? Did I say something wrong? In our last meeting, all indications were that he was interested in continuing to spend time together. I spent entirely too much time replaying it all in my head, wondering where it had gone awry.
I felt … abandoned.
I don’t know what happened, and chances are I’ll never get those answers. All I can do is accept it. While I would’ve appreciated some honest communication, even if hurtful (“I’m sorry, I’m just not interested anymore;” “I don’t see this going anywhere,” etc.), I may not get that, and I can’t see the point in chasing it down. I wasn’t going to be that desperate retailer, offering a “discount” (in this case, my emotions) just to rope him back in again.
I certainly spent plenty of time in the “dark side” of this encounter; a whole series of thoughts like “This is why I wasn’t dating; it’s always just disappointing and painful.” “I didn’t look for this encounter, and yet it appeared in my life – why me?” “I’m never going to end up in a good, honest, intimate relationship … I am fated to these types of people/encounters.”
But how does that serve me? Remember, I believe that your thought patterns are going to directly affect the things you attract. If I choose to focus only on the negative, that negativity will perpetuate itself continuously. But if I affirm myself with the positive, I will stay out of that negative space, and in turn attract all elements of positive energy into my universe. Things get better in my life because I WILL them to be better.
I have been meditating daily, and focusing on these affirmations: Good things will happen for me, and already are happening for me. I am lovable, good, and kind. Another’s opinions of me or actions toward me do not determine my worth. Things are happening as they should in God’s plan for the universe.
So, instead of being the abandoned shopping cart, isolated and unmoving, I chose to get behind myself and push. I’m worth that, and I’m much happier being my own driver and source of forward movement … rather than looking for someone else to do it for me.
Manifesting the Best Possible Life … through Belief
What do you believe to be true about yourself and your life right now?
Do you think things are pretty good? Could be better? Likely to get worse?
What sort of energy to you project on a daily basis? What do you tell yourself about who and what you are?
Something I’ve been working on recently is the use of meditation combined with affirmations to guide me toward my best possible self and life. If I had everything I desire … if I was the person I wanted to be … what would that feel like? What would it look like? How would I be different than I am right now?
Here are some ways I’ve been working on manifesting the things I desire for myself:
1. Meditation: Every night before bed, I’ve been meditating on envisioning myself in the life of my dreams. I picture myself there, and really feel what it’s like. Sometimes I do this with a guided meditation … the Omvana app has a lot of great ones just for this purpose (available for iPhone; not sure if they’ve created an Android version yet). Other times I just listen to some ambient sounds and concentrate on this topic.
2. Affirmations: If something is troubling me, I work to tell myself that the opposite is true as a way of bringing myself around to believe it in my mind and manifest it with my actions. Living in clutter? Tell yourself: “I am organized.” Struggling with money? Tell yourself: “I am prosperous.” This has limitless possibilities: I am creative. I am a leader. I am capable. I am brave. I am loved. Say it over and over again each day until you come to believe it – even if your “inner critic” is screaming at you that it isn’t true. The more you say it, the quieter that critic will become.
3. Journaling: Remember that “dream life” I mentioned in No. 1? I wrote it out, as many details as I could think of. It’s a useful guide for the meditation. This isn’t so much about material things – I’m not aiming to live a life of gold-plated bathroom fixtures and caviar for breakfast. While I did write about where I’d like to live and what that dwelling would look like, I also included the spiritual and emotional aspects of it all as well – a true picture of complete fulfillment.
4. Setting a daily intention: Each morning, I try to set my intent for that day. What do I want to feel today? What do I want to accomplish? It could be as simple as “I want to relax,” “I want to feel joyous,” “I want to feel peaceful.” It could be bigger, like making a decision or completing a project.
5. Setting a long-term intention: This is all part of that big “dream life” goal. All those smaller daily intentions will add up to moving you toward the bigger ones.
You CAN get there – if you truly believe!
Convinced Yet?
I have a nice daily reader of meditations that I find quite insightful and helpful (The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie, if you’re wondering). The theme of an entry a couple of days ago was about the hazards of trying to convince another person about how great/loving/wise/wonderful we are … that exhibiting that kind of behavior is a warning sign that we may not actually believe those things ourselves.
Well, to say that was a wake-up call might be a mild understatement. I thought of a recent situation where I was trying to do just that – convince someone of my greatness. And I wondered … for thinking that I already know and believe this of myself, how much do I really know it?
If I already believed this, would I have been content just knowing it, without feeling like I had to go through the accompanying actions to demonstrate it? Would I have walked away from the situation sooner, or even stayed in it and not cared so much? Would it have influenced the outcome?
I suppose I’ll never know the answers, at least not for this particular episode. But it was a realization for me that maybe I wasn’t believing it strongly enough for myself … I was needing someone else to reinforce and validate the belief for me.
There’s something to be said about not wasting time with people and situations where it seems your worth is being questioned. But certain situations in essence force us to do this – say if you’re auditioning for something, or going on a job interview, or if you want to make a sale or score a new client. The point is to prove why you’re better than the competition. Even then, though, an inherent belief that you ARE better is likely to increase your chances of coming out on top.
In personal relationships, though, why waste time trying to prove this to people who seem to question it, or leave you questioning it yourself? Or perhaps that’s a chicken-and-egg question, that if you believed this of yourself already, you wouldn’t waste that time. You’d just know it, and that belief would shine through. Outcomes because of that would be an entirely separate matter.
This is much for me to think about, but worthwhile. I’m praying for God to help make my greatness inherent knowledge for me, not something of which I need to convince anyone – least of all myself.
Dealing
When I started this blog, and hence opened a public window into some very personal things, I never, ever wanted to write anything that would hurt somebody else, even people who’ve deeply hurt me. I never wanted to name names or go into specifics that would make situations identifiable. Some of it is protecting the other people in my life, and some of it is protecting me. This is not a site for salacious gossip fodder.
But the thing is, there are two very big issues I’m dealing with right now, and both of them are private matters, but I don’t feel comfortable writing (publicly) about either one. OK, so there’s something titillating for you – “ooooh, she’s got problems. Wonder what they could be?” Sorry. This is akin to those “vaguebooking” status updates you see on Facebook, but I hope you’ll find this more thoughtful.
In the midst of all of this, I feel like I’m in a time of transition in my life. Big things are ahead for me – good things. I can sense that and feel it. I truly believe it. Old voices tell me that I’m just fooling myself, that I will forever be stuck in this purgatory of sorts, or that things won’t work out for “good” in the end, and I’ll have made no “progress.” In the end, though, it’s progress just for having been on this journey.
The problem lies in ME. I want things stitched up RIGHT NOW, this minute, yesterday if possible. I want to force solutions. I want to know how things will work out and get through with this “sitting through it” business.
Of both of these issues, I know that neither is permanent. Besides the biology of existing as a living organism (eating, breathing, sleeping, etc.), I’ve found absolutely nothing to be a constant in life. No situation or moment lasts forever. In some ways, that’s bittersweet. Sometimes you just don’t know when you’re living the “good old days.” That’s why it becomes important to stay present at all times, to enjoy the moments you’re in and not focus too much on the past or future.
So, how does one deal in times of transition? For me, I’m having to exercise a great deal of patience. It’s important for me to have faith that the answers will come, the solutions will come. I meet up with a meditation group on a somewhat frequent basis and saw them again today, and it was marvelous to unplug again – to simply feel my body in the chair, to hear the air rushing out of the AC vents, as well as the birds and occasional car outside. Thoughts came to mind and I let them come and go. For those few moments, I was there – and nothing else mattered. I was free. I felt a light of joy in my heart, and the thought came to mind, “God is taking care of me right now.”
As the saying goes, this too shall pass. I might think “not soon enough,” but it will happen when the moment is exactly right.
Perspective (Or, the lack thereof)
So, where have I been, you ask?
Oh, here and there.
But mostly, I’ve been in my head.
I could spend hours, days, weeks up in that room, inviting no guests, stocking my freezer in advance so I could shelter in place, live as something of a recluse.
I’ve been ruminating, tumbling thoughts over and over again like sheets in the dryer. Things I want for the future, things I regret from the past. Things I hope to achieve in my career, and the day-to-day tasks that might get me there. Things to ask for, things to reject. Things to do before one work trip, one weekend trip, another work trip. A mental calendar that seems full until the days tick by.
And yet, as I mentally wandered between one self-imposed crisis to the next, my sense of disconnection grew, eased momentarily here and there, but never fully subsiding. It’s a spiritual disconnection, and an emotional one too. Walking away from meditation, prayer, journaling … not identifying my feelings, just looking for the next “to-do.”
The last couple of days I have prayed for the willingness to connect again, to be present, to turn off the lights and come downstairs.
Life is downstairs. I was snapped out of this tonight upon hearing news of a friend’s very serious and difficult struggle. And I realized that while I am living in a time of transition, in more ways than one, it’s not really something worthy of a “crisis” label. It’s a time that will lead me to important things, but it’s also a time that will weave into the fabric of the past.
My task, then, is to be present in this day, this minute. Being present means being free. I am ready to let go, to release the problems I can’t solve, to stop believing I can control the future just by thinking about it a lot.
I am here, or I am trying to be. At least, I’m ready to come back.
Young Spirit, Old Soul 