Before the Party … a Few Moments of Peace
As I write this, I am preparing for a very important ritual. I lit some candles, found some peaceful music. My home is suffering some “holiday chaos,” but I cleared and prepared and nice space before me for the ritual. After I write this, I will shut down the laptop, turn off the phone, brew a pot of tea, and spend a couple of reflective hours with myself. This isn’t a time for hurrying or for distraction. This is time I spend in the loving company of myself.
For the past several years, one of my rituals has been to write myself a love letter. Then, I open it on the following New Year’s Eve. This year, I’m doing the same, but with a twist – I am also going to write a letter to my Higher Power (which I call God), written as though all of my prayers for this year have been answered.
But this morning I was blessed to find this terrific New Year’s ritual from The Ford Institute. So I am going to embark on this as well – some writing, some prayer, some meditation. The ritual begins with taking a vow to myself and to the universe to find peace and blessings in the coming year, and to live in the best way that I can. After that, this is how the rest goes:
- Make a list of 10 experiences that blessed and nourished you in 2013.
- To complete 2013, write out why you chose the challenging experiences of the last year. Do this from the highest perspective so that you can find their gifts.
- Notice if you’re carrying any dark, small or limiting thoughts into 2014. Write them all down. Affirm you don’t need them anymore. They’re not the truth. They’re just thoughts. Then rip them up into 100 shredded little pieces and throw them in the trash.
- Choose one quality (e.g., love, peace, success, respect, etc.) that you most want to express and commit to in 2014. Write out 5 ways that you can give and share this quality with others.
- Write down 5 goals that you feel inspired to commit to in 2014.
- Read this vow or use one of your own each morning to reconnect with the power you hold to light up the world.
Whether tonight includes a festive gathering of friends, quiet time with a loved one, or a solo night relaxing, I wish you all a safe, happy, joyous, blessed, and peaceful New Year. Thanks for being with me on this journey for the last year. I am sending you all the love of the universe for 2014!
Selling Fear? I’m Not Buying
Alexandra Petri is an excellent writer for the Washington Post. She’s featured on the ComPost blog but also writes a delightful column that appears in the Saturday print edition. Sadly, I’ve been unable to find those print columns online. I really wanted to share her July 27 entry with you, because it was nothing short of brilliant. It talked about the fears that other people will try their hardest to also push onto you.
Since I can’t find a link, here’s an excerpt:
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If you want to be absolutely safe in life, listen well. Imbibe my fears. Let them guide you.
Here is a vague smorgasbord of anecdotes, prejudices and bad experiences my uncle once had that will, I think, protect you from death or at least from new experiences that could change your mind about people, which are in some ways worse.
- Don’t jog at night. Don’t jog during the daytime. Never jog. One hundred percent of joggers who were mugged were jogging in the first place. …
- Don’t walk through certain areas of downtown Los Angeles, ever. One of your distant relatives once walked through that area, and he was savagely attacked by a saber-tooth tiger and dragged into a tar pit. …
- Avoid bus stops, parking lots, schools, houses, cars, the pyramids, the suburbs, the city, lakes, oceans, rivers, Kansas, your own back yard, hole-in-the-wall cafes, fancy restaurants, the environs of the Eiffel Tower, places where they serve food that is different from the food your mother cooked, barbecues, street festivals, Grandma’s house. Terrible things have happened in all those places. …
So far, no one who said that a life lived in fear is not worth living has ever made it out.
Try, if possible, not to be born. If you are born, you will have to interact with people who are different from you, and you will learn, and you will change your mind, and you will discover all kinds of wonder and unlooked-for happiness, and, one day, you will die.
This must be avoided at all costs.
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While Petri’s irreverent tone is joyful to read in and of itself, it’s also quite a serious look at the fears that people try to place onto others. I think this often happens between parents and children, but to some degree in any other type of relationship as well. People are afraid of things because of their own wounds, their own insecurities, their own bad experiences. Now they want YOU to be afraid too.
But doesn’t it all sound so ridiculous? And imagine it applied to larger things: Why you should avoid people of a certain cultural or ethnic background. Why you should never travel to foreign lands. Why you shouldn’t like something or want something or pursue your dreams – because they fall outside of the norm, because it’s different or strange, because people like us just don’t do that.
I’m writing about this because much of my emotional journey has been examining my relationship with fear. It’s the thing that’s kept me back from many things. Kept me from standing up for myself. Kept me from going after things I wanted. Kept me from living a truly fulfilled life at times.
I still confront fears at times and try to take inventory of them as a means of keeping them in check. I know they’re poking at me if I’m afraid of honestly and respectfully speaking my truth. If I’m afraid to take a risk, even if it would mean an opportunity to grow. If I’m more concerned with your feelings than with my own. Vulnerability and abandonment are two fears that have kicked at me for years. What if I say or do something that makes you not like me anymore? I’ve had to learn to put that thought in its place … to realize that the people who would walk away from the honest version of me are the ones who are best let go.
As I grow, I find my fears slipping away, holding less influence. As I find my courage, I find more freedom, more joy, more serenity. I find truth. I find the essence of who I really am. I hope that all of us, in some way, can find the means to be brave, to leave fear behind and instead be guided by faith. To let go … and truly live.
Humility: A Gift
When you hear the word “humility,” what do you think?
This is my definition: Humility is a state of egolessness. It is a recognition of yourself as equal to the rest of humankind – no better, no less. It is a willingness to admit to flaws and defects. It is an act of submitting to a Higher Power, of admitting that there is a non-human power that is greater than you. It means “to be humble.”
It’s important to make the distinction between “humility” and “humiliation.” In my mind, humiliation is shame, being disgraced, degradation. I believe that humility is an inner state of being, while humiliation is often a reaction to external factors.
I suppose one of the most interesting things I’ve found is that the more confident I am in myself, the more I believe in my own inherent worth, the easier it is for me to be humble. I don’t need the false trappings of the ego to artificially inflate my value. Seems counterintuitive, does it not? And yet, I’ve found my ego and pride to be very shallow pools indeed. Those are things built up (or deflated) by the clothes I’m wearing, the balance in my bank account, the car I drive – or the clothes someone else is wearing, the balance in someone else’s bank account, the car that someone else drives.
Self-confidence, though, runs deep. It allows me to see people around me as my equal. I don’t relate to them from a “one up” or “one down” perspective. We all become precious children of God, each with a special place in the universe with unique gifts to offer. Nobody has to be perfect. They don’t have to be anything other than themselves.
These are the gifts of humility – acceptance, confidence, a sense of serenity. I strive to make it more central to my character. I will be humble. I will be grateful.
Young Spirit, Old Soul 