A Smack-Talking Fast (or an attempt, anyway)
The lenten season is upon us! I know, while I talk a lot about spirituality on here, I generally stay away 
from what could be defined as “religion” … because (1) I don’t want anyone to get the idea that this is an exclusive club for one faith or another, and (2) that kind of talk can make people nervous. I get it. My relationship with God is individualized exclusively to me.
I suppose another reason is because I see a lot of value in many different faiths … they all have great things to teach and wonderful concepts to apply to everyday living. If someone held a gun to my head, I’d say I’m episcopalian, but it’s more like Buddhist-opalian. I love the sacred rituals of the divine liturgy, but I also love the wisdom of dharma.
So that brings me back to lent. I’ve given up different things with varying degrees of success (never touched a packet of Splenda again after giving it up in ’13 … but when I gave up swearing in 2012 I didn’t even make it through the drive to the office on Ash Wednesday morning). This year I agonized over the choice between shopping or sweets, even thinking about chucking both.
But the real inspiration didn’t hit me until Ash Wednesday, which this year found me traveling across the country for a combo work trip-vacation. I decided I would do my best to give up speaking negatively about other people. At first I just started with “coworkers” – where my offenses are worst – but decided I needed to broaden it to include everyone. Including me!
One time, I heard the ultimate way to practice this – never, EVER talk about someone unless they are in the room and part of your conversation. (In practical terms, that can be difficult, but the intent is marvelous.)
I’ll admit it’s not always been easy, and I’ve failed a couple of times, but overall, I think it’s getting better. And even stopping myself when I can see I’m headed down the path, pulling back to either say something “neutral,” or to just keep silent, really puts me in a whole different frame of mind. Instead of just firing off, I have to be mindful and choose different words – or no words at all.
In a way I’m seeing this as an experiment to try out the spiritual laws of the universe. I absolutely know that what I give out, I will in turn receive. So what if I give more positivity, more love?
It’s not an overnight transformation, but there are payoffs. Today I got impatient when I was behind a driver who clearly wasn’t sure of where he was going. But I reminded myself of all the times I’ve been in that exact same situation myself … and my gentleness and patience were both found. I’ve been able to look at total strangers with a spirit of love, looking beyond their outer appearances and into their very humanity.
It’s powerful. I know I won’t be perfect but I at least strive to be better, especially toward the folks who’ve gotten under my skin. I do my best to bless them, love them, release them. My reward is a more peaceful state of being.
The Perfect Revenge
Think about the biggest wrong anyone ever committed against you.
What happened? How did you feel? How do you feel about it now?
Now, imagine for a moment that you could exact revenge against the person who wronged you. You could inflict a wound just as big and cause the same level of hurt and anger as was caused you. The score would be settled.
Or … would it?
There are all kinds of sayings out there, “revenge is sweet”; “don’t get mad – get even,” etc. Many of us want to believe in a sense of justice in the world, that things will end up being fair and people will get their due for the wrongs they committed. In reality, though, life just isn’t fair, and never has been.
The problem with revenge is that it just perpetuates a wrong. It doesn’t fix anything. It doesn’t take away the bad feelings that the injured person felt. It is, literally, stooping to someone else’s level. Instead of repairing the situation, it merely puts more bad vibes and more poisonous energy into the universe.
The thing that’s far better than revenge – the thing that really will fix the situation – is forgiveness.
Some of us have the idea that forgiving someone is letting them off the hook. As in, if we forgive them, that means we think what they did is OK.
But, consider this. Forgiveness is more about you than the other person. Forgiveness is about allowing yourself to feel inner peace. Forgiveness is about releasing someone’s emotional power over you and reclaiming that power for yourself. Forgiveness is about letting go.
The next time you fantasize about settling the score with someone, consider stopping and asking yourself why you’re still allowing this person to dwell, rent-free, in such a prime spot of real estate within your mind. Then, consider replacing those resentful thoughts with a sense of peace. Find the freedom that forgiveness allows.
Profound Forgiveness
What if, even in the face of someone else causing you unspeakable harm and tragedy, you were able to forgive them immediately? If you kept the resentment from burrowing deep within you, haunting and anguishing you?
This is the story of Rais Bhuiyan. In the wake of 9/11, Bhuyian was the victim of a hate crime. A man named Mark Stroman was randomly targeting people he thought were of Muslim or Middle Eastern descent. Stroman killed two men in addition to wounding Bhuiyan. He was executed in July 2011.
I saw this article in my Facebook newsfeed today – I actually think NPR posted it erroneously, since it was a year and a half outdated – and I put aside the post I had already written. What makes this story remarkable is that Bhuiyan says he never hated Stroman in return. He actually worked to save him from death row. He used his faith to find the power to forgive.
I am deeply moved by the ability for someone to be so emotionally free and to move on with grace. Instead of seeking retaliation, he sought to give his attacker salvation.
It gives me much pause to consider the resentments to which I am clinging, the wrongs I’ve been unable to forgive. In reality, they’re only causing harm to me, not their targets. As the saying goes, resentment is like drinking poison in hopes that someone else will die. It only pollutes my own spirit but does nothing to change the past or heal the wounds.
How have you found forgiveness – for yourself and others?
Young Spirit, Old Soul 