Before the Party … a Few Moments of Peace
As I write this, I am preparing for a very important ritual. I lit some candles, found some peaceful music. My home is suffering some “holiday chaos,” but I cleared and prepared and nice space before me for the ritual. After I write this, I will shut down the laptop, turn off the phone, brew a pot of tea, and spend a couple of reflective hours with myself. This isn’t a time for hurrying or for distraction. This is time I spend in the loving company of myself.
For the past several years, one of my rituals has been to write myself a love letter. Then, I open it on the following New Year’s Eve. This year, I’m doing the same, but with a twist – I am also going to write a letter to my Higher Power (which I call God), written as though all of my prayers for this year have been answered.
But this morning I was blessed to find this terrific New Year’s ritual from The Ford Institute. So I am going to embark on this as well – some writing, some prayer, some meditation. The ritual begins with taking a vow to myself and to the universe to find peace and blessings in the coming year, and to live in the best way that I can. After that, this is how the rest goes:
- Make a list of 10 experiences that blessed and nourished you in 2013.
- To complete 2013, write out why you chose the challenging experiences of the last year. Do this from the highest perspective so that you can find their gifts.
- Notice if you’re carrying any dark, small or limiting thoughts into 2014. Write them all down. Affirm you don’t need them anymore. They’re not the truth. They’re just thoughts. Then rip them up into 100 shredded little pieces and throw them in the trash.
- Choose one quality (e.g., love, peace, success, respect, etc.) that you most want to express and commit to in 2014. Write out 5 ways that you can give and share this quality with others.
- Write down 5 goals that you feel inspired to commit to in 2014.
- Read this vow or use one of your own each morning to reconnect with the power you hold to light up the world.
Whether tonight includes a festive gathering of friends, quiet time with a loved one, or a solo night relaxing, I wish you all a safe, happy, joyous, blessed, and peaceful New Year. Thanks for being with me on this journey for the last year. I am sending you all the love of the universe for 2014!
Giving Up
Sometimes, the hardest decision to make is when to give up.
In some cases, it’s crystal clear – like when the entrée you were making for a dinner party burns to a crisp and the guests are arriving in 15 minutes. Time to wave a dishtowel at the smoke alarm and grab your take-out menus.
But most things – especially important things – dwell in a shade of grey. Jobs, different kinds of relationships, activities or projects you’ve thrown your heart into … it’s often hard to know when to walk away or when to forge ahead.
I’ve had times when I’ve decided to leave something behind, only to have it come back to me in some manner. In those cases, I look at it as God telling me I still have things to learn from it … even if it still doesn’t work out in the end.
One bit of wisdom I heard about difficult decisions was to think of it like this: Does this situation leave you feeling drained, or can you still derive energy from it? It’s not always cut-and-dried, but something that constantly pulls you down is probably not a great situation for you.
So, as I face a few of my own hard choices, these are the questions and thoughts I’m keeping in mind:
- Is this situation barring me from meeting my goals and having the life that I want, or being the person I want to be? This is for long-range thinking … where do I want to be 5 or 10 years from now? How will this situation affect that?
- Does this decision affect other people, and in what ways? I’ve learned that you should never live your life with the goal of pleasing other people, or of living up to someone else’s agenda. But especially if you’re in a relationship, or if you have children, it’s important to consider a decision’s impact on them. It isn’t selfish to strive for the life of your dreams, but it becomes that way when it happens at someone else’s expense.
- How will I feel tomorrow? This is the “can you look yourself in the eye” question. What decision leaves you feeling proud of yourself?
- If there are certain aspects of this situation that don’t work for me right now, can they be changed – even if it’s just reframing my own attitude? This isn’t to say “put on a happy face” if things are legitimately bad. But especially if an alternative isn’t readily or easily available, sometimes the best you can do is to detach your emotions to the greatest degree possible, and look for happiness in other aspects of your life.
As I walk through these experiences, I also find frequent prayer and meditation are also helpful. If I do my best to turn problems over to my higher power, and genuinely ask for help with a willingness to receive it, I have found it will come to me … sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. But it will come.
“As Within, So Without”
I’m an absolute believer that what you’re feeling inside is going to ultimately reflect out into the world – the energy you project is what you’re going to attract in return. If you’re kind and friendly on the outside but not loving yourself very much on the inside, you’ll likely have relationships with people who take advantage of that in some regard – whether it’s actual material gain, or just putting you down in order to feel better about themselves. Likewise, if you’re confident, loving toward yourself, and accepting of others, the relationships you cultivate are likely to reflect that too. Slowly, you’ll move away from negative, destructive people, and instead embrace the more positive and loving ones.
The title of this post came from a quote I saw on PurposeFairy and I thought it was just perfect. Specifically, it was this great post about a 21-day meditation challenge, something I’ve decided to try for myself. I’ve had a sporadic meditation practice going on for a while now, but I think the time has come to really add some discipline to it. (I downloaded the Omvana app too … very excited to see what it offers, and will give an update once I find out!)
Lots of people hear about meditation and think there’s no way they can do it. They picture cross-legged monks in sandals and robes, levitating off the ground and achieving some other-worldly sense of enlightenment. But they don’t picture everyday people, you and me, just sitting quietly for a dedicated amount of time each day to clear and refresh their minds. To me, that last part is really the most basic essence of meditation.
Remember, too, that meditation is called a practice for a reason – it’s not something you’re born knowing how to do right away. It’s an acquired skill, just like playing the piano or learning how to make the perfect loaf of sourdough bread. The more you try it, the better you become.
So, how does one get started on this practice? Surely, there are a million books and online resources, but these are a few things I’ve found helpful:
(1) Set aside a time to do it, faithfully, each day: It could be early in the morning, right after you get up. Maybe there’s a time in the afternoon you can set aside. Make it a part of your daily schedule and routine, and soon it will be a habit.
(2) Focus on your breathing: This will help you draw your awareness back into your body and the present moment. Sometimes it help to focus on one element of the breath – the air filling your lungs, the exhale, the rise or fall of your stomach, and so on.
(3) Let thoughts flow through your mind: Thoughts are going to arise. You’ll be distracted by the sounds around you. That’s OK. Let those things pass through your mind, then let them go and let them float away.
(4) Eyes open? Eyes closed? There are differing opinions on this, but for me, as a beginner, I find eyes closed to usually be a better place to start. You could also focus a soft gaze on something – a candle’s flame, a point in the distance where the treetops meet the sky, a blank wall.
(5) Be present, present, present: Surrender completely to all that is around you – the sounds, the feeling of the chair beneath you, the temperature of the room, and so on. For just this moment, let go of the past and don’t worry about the future – focus all of your energy on the absolute present.
Tools for Healing
As I shared in my last post, I’ve been struggling lately, having more down days than true “good” ones. As I delve into the sources of what’s keeping me from feeling joyful, I have found it important to take certain actions that can move me toward healing. And while I continue to struggle, these are things that have been helping me get through, even if it’s just in the moment.
Journaling: It seems logical that a blogger would also love to keep a journal, right? While this blog is something of a journal on my spiritual and emotional growth, what I write in my pen-and-paper journal is much more personal. It’s the one place I can be gut-wrenchingly honest with no concern for the consequences. Sometimes, it just really helps to get the thoughts and feelings out of your head and down onto paper. I sometimes vary in my discipline with keeping a journal, but I’ve found I do best when I write something every day – even if it’s only a couple of sentences.
Prayer and meditation: One of the first posts I made on this blog was about the importance of finding a Higher Power, whatever you call it – God, the Universe, the Force. It’s my opinion that you can only find a true sense of inner peace and serenity when you discover and believe that there is something/someone more powerful than you or any other force on this earth, who can guide and sustain you and loves you no matter what. The difference between prayer and meditation is this: Prayer is when we ask God for things, and meditation is when we listen for the answers. Meditation is a practice and discipline and there is no wrong way to do it, but it gets better the more often you take part. If you’re interested in trying it in a group setting, Meetup.com has listings for meditation groups in many cities.
Exercise: Yes, I am a fitness freak! Exercise releases feel-good endorphins and moves oxygenated blood through your body. It’s a good way to connect your mind and body and put yourself in a more positive frame of mind.
Yoga: This is an ancient practice with many different forms; many call it a “moving meditation.” I personally take part in Bikram yoga, aka “hot yoga,” where the room is cranked up to 100+ degrees F and you sweat and stretch your troubles away. Since I started, I notice that my flexibility has improved and I have less tension in my shoulders and back, but more importantly it’s 90 minutes where I can really focus on clearing my head. There are many different disciplines and studios often have introductory rates for those looking to try it out. Try some different classes and find the one that’s a good fit for you.
Self-care: Exercise falls into this realm, but so does adequate sleep and a healthy diet. Making healthy choices can have an impact on your emotional well-being, too.
Splurges: I’m not really talking diamond jewelry or Caribbean vacations here (though, those things do have their place). If you’ve been working hard, treat yourself sometimes. For me, that might be a new pair of shoes, a manicure, or a gourmet chocolate bar.
This list is just a starter. Take some time to have a little fun! Spend time with friends, allow yourself to laugh, allow yourself to play.
Young Spirit, Old Soul 