Grateful for: Ownership, and Disownership
Here is just one way I can tell that I still have healing to do in this lifetime:
When I see someone doing something that just doesn’t seem “right” to me; when I see someone expecting another person to take responsibility for them; when someone acts toward me with what appears to be unkindness or selfish intent; when a painful memory from years past pops into my head …
And it bothers me.
The anger, resentment, irritability, whatever … that is a sign of healing left to be done. Whatever is pushing those buttons, chances are the buttons are actually woundedness from long ago. It’s not something that exists in the present, but I’ve still carried it with me.
Today I am expressing gratitude for ownership. I am able to own my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and overall spiritual well-being. I can own my happiness and take responsibility for it. I no longer view myself as a victim of life’s whims, because in every situation, I have a choice – whether it’s to walk away, keep on going, or just to simply choose a better outlook.
In that, I reclaim my power.
I also express gratitude for disownership. The thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and actions of another person don’t belong to me – even if that person says that I caused them. That’s because they, too, always have a choice. That’s not an excuse to act like a jerk and then feel like I have the right to get off scot-free. It is, however, a sanity saver when I catch myself feeling I need to behave or think in a certain way in order to gain someone’s approval or avoid their wrath. It’s also a concept that has helped me to offload mountains of guilt.
I hope that you’ll own this day, and all days, and seize it with all of your power – for kindness, joy, peace, and happiness.
You’re ALL Good
Feelings can be so darn inconvenient sometimes, no? There can be tears when you want them the least, anger when you’d rather just get along, jealousy and envy when you feel like you should just be happy for someone – hence producing guilt and shame, a whole other set of things you don’t want to feel.
Many of us have been socialized to believe that only certain feelings are acceptable. Usually, it’s something along the happy-content-complacent scale. Anger is to be stuffed, tears only shown at the appropriate moment (which is likely in private), and so on. Being pleasant and happy and “approachable” is often the mark we think we should hit 100 percent of the time.
But, here’s the rub. We’re human. Our feelings are natural and part of us, just like the physical parts of our body. Attempting to control what we’re feeling – when the basis of it is I shouldn’t be feeling this way – only leads to more emotional destruction later on. We learn to not feel certain things, or to express those feelings inappropriately, or to not even express them at all.
In my journey of self-discovery and growth, I’ve had to learn that all of my feelings are OK, that they aren’t necessarily facts, they aren’t fatal, and that they will pass – good and bad. They also belong to me and me alone. Nobody else has the right to control them, and ultimately, no one else can. I’ll keep on feeling whatever I’m feeling no matter what someone else says I should feel.
All of your feelings are yours, and they are precious. Recognize them, honor them, learn how they influence you. Express your truth as honestly and appropriately as possible. Give yourself that measure of acceptance. You’re worth it.
Profound Forgiveness
What if, even in the face of someone else causing you unspeakable harm and tragedy, you were able to forgive them immediately? If you kept the resentment from burrowing deep within you, haunting and anguishing you?
This is the story of Rais Bhuiyan. In the wake of 9/11, Bhuyian was the victim of a hate crime. A man named Mark Stroman was randomly targeting people he thought were of Muslim or Middle Eastern descent. Stroman killed two men in addition to wounding Bhuiyan. He was executed in July 2011.
I saw this article in my Facebook newsfeed today – I actually think NPR posted it erroneously, since it was a year and a half outdated – and I put aside the post I had already written. What makes this story remarkable is that Bhuiyan says he never hated Stroman in return. He actually worked to save him from death row. He used his faith to find the power to forgive.
I am deeply moved by the ability for someone to be so emotionally free and to move on with grace. Instead of seeking retaliation, he sought to give his attacker salvation.
It gives me much pause to consider the resentments to which I am clinging, the wrongs I’ve been unable to forgive. In reality, they’re only causing harm to me, not their targets. As the saying goes, resentment is like drinking poison in hopes that someone else will die. It only pollutes my own spirit but does nothing to change the past or heal the wounds.
How have you found forgiveness – for yourself and others?
Young Spirit, Old Soul 