“I Choose to be Free”
The title of this post is an affirmation I got today (Daily Affirm app, for those who are curious). After a few days of feeling a bit unsettled and tossed about, I felt like I was finally turning a corner and feeling like my normal self again. And it was a great reminder about how much of life comes down to choice.
Yesterday, a woman at my meditation group talked about learning the nuances of her emotions – optimistic, restless, anguished, irritated, and so on. I found that by learning the different shades of my emotions – and learning to feel them and correctly identify their source (sometimes, for me, they were not what they seemed) – I can make better choices for dealing with them. Sometimes that just means sitting through them and praying for help.
But what struck me most about this woman was saying is that how she learned to choose to stay to a more positive outlook – rather than sitting through an internal, self-created downpour and feeling like there was no way out of it. Instead of playing the role of victim, I can take responsibility for my outlook and therefore become empowered.
I was out with friends when we witnessed another woman first walk into a surprise birthday, and then receive a proposal from her boyfriend. I know that in the past I would’ve been straight-up jealous of this person. “Why can’t someone love me enough to do that for me? How come good things only happen to other people? Why aren’t I that lucky?” Me, me, me … poor, pitiful me.
Instead, I felt genuinely happy for her – I didn’t let jealousy eat away at my inner peace. But also, I realized I didn’t know a damn thing about that woman, her life, her pain, her joy, whatever. It was a celebratory moment. It wasn’t mine, but in a small way, I got to share in it.
I am choosing more to be grateful … to not fight the universe … to not fight and struggle with people and situations that are out of my control. I want to BE peace, and harmony, and loving-kindness.
That’s what I choose for me, and I am happy to make that choice.
“The hardest thing you’ll do today is quiet your mind.”
We’re balancing on one leg, pulling our back leg up high, higher than our heads. We’re trying to take our foreheads to our knees; the tops of our heads to the floor. Oh, and the room is 106 degrees. Over and over again, the yoga instructor’s refrain is: “The hardest thing you’ll do today in class is quiet your mind.”
Oh, so true.
After many starts and stops, I seem to have truly and legitimately started and stuck to a meditation practice. I’ve been doing it every day for about the past month, usually in the evening, right before bed. It’s a great way to quiet my mind, and I think it’s helping me to sleep more soundly and deeply. I find I really look forward to that space of time where I can really just sit quietly and breathe.
Meditation can certainly be intimidating, because lots of us focus on doing it “perfectly.” We think that unless we can totally clear our minds, and keep them clear for an extended period of time, then we aren’t doing it right. So, why even try?
I’ve discovered that meditation can be many different things, and even I don’t approach it the same way every time. Here are the many different faces it’s taken on for me:
1. Guided meditation: This is a great way for beginners to try it out, and for experienced folks to try something new. I use the Omvana app on my iPhone; there are many different podcasts and thousands of other recordings out there you can use for this purpose. I do my best to focus only on the words being spoken.
2. Affirmations: Sometimes I will pick a topic I want to focus on – a feeling I want to cultivate, a goal I’m seeking, a spiritual or emotional change I want to make – then concentrate on that topic for a specified period of time, usually about 10-15 minutes. (I use binaural sounds or white noise as a background with this.) It might be focusing on overcoming a fear, saying kind and loving things to myself, cultivating a sense of gratitude and peace, and so on. When my mind starts to drift I just gently bring it back to the affirmation I’m using that day.
3. The vision exercise: Remember my previous post about building the life you want through belief? This goes to that end. I’ll think of what it would look like and feel like if I became everything I wanted to be, and if all of my desires were fulfilled. A few years back, many people became devotees of “The Secret,” and I’ll admit that I scoffed at the notion … seemed like a bunch of hocus-pocus, just another spiritual fad perpetuated by Oprah, a woman who seemed to already have everything she could ever want. But now I’m thinking the tenets of that actually do work, if you truly believe it deeply enough, and, beyond everything, truly feel worthy of it. It all begins with the deep belief that you are worthy of getting the things you want, and capable of achieving them.
4. The quiet mind: I meet with a meditation group regularly, and this is the approach I most often take in that setting. (I do this in yoga as well.) I try my best to be absolutely present in the situation, to concentrate on how the chair feels below me, the sounds of the room around me, the temperature of the air, and so on. It’s hard for me to hold onto that mental silence for an extended period of time, so I will often bring a simple affirmation into it in order to refocus myself.
There are many ways to think about “what meditation is” and its benefits. Some say that prayer is asking God for things, and meditation is listening for the answer. Some say it’s a way to manifest beliefs and to improve concentration. Some say it’s simply a means of growing more peaceful and serene. Whatever you’d like to get from it, I hope you’ll try it out. Like everything else, it gets better with practice!
I wish you all a peaceful, present, quiet mind.
The Abandoned Shopping Cart
Is anyone out there familiar with the concept of the “abandoned shopping cart” in the realm of internet marketing/sales? Basically, this is when someone shops online, adds product(s) to their virtual shopping cart, but never clicks through to buy. Maybe they decided the shipping costs were too high, or they clung to a resolve to stick to a budget and this purchase just wasn’t going to fit. Maybe their favorite TV show came on, or the phone rang, or the dog barfed on the rug, or they just found a product they liked better somewhere else.
Some internet retailers run near-obsessive campaigns to bring you back to that purchase. Maybe you’ll get an email the day after you abandoned that cart, perhaps even with a discount involved if you decide to go ahead and buy.
But when you get back to that “shopping cart,” isn’t that a sad image? The word “abandoned” … picturing it as isolated, forgotten … you could say it’s a strange thing for me to get sentimental about, but I’d like to think it’s my empathy speaking.
Now for a personal story of my own experience as the metaphoric “abandoned shopping cart.”
I randomly met someone … he approached me, we started talking and getting to know each other a bit. We spent a little time together. Even though I hadn’t been looking to date and wasn’t feeling especially pressed to get into a relationship, my initial impressions of him were that he was the kind of person I’d pursue. While outwardly I was tempering my excitement, inside I was feeling good about it and where it was going.
In my mind, I felt we were going to keep getting to know each other, and I was enjoying the process.
And then …. nothing.
My text messages went unanswered. No response. I was hoping I’d hear something … anything … but it seemed that wasn’t forthcoming.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt and confused by it all. What had I done? Did I say something wrong? In our last meeting, all indications were that he was interested in continuing to spend time together. I spent entirely too much time replaying it all in my head, wondering where it had gone awry.
I felt … abandoned.
I don’t know what happened, and chances are I’ll never get those answers. All I can do is accept it. While I would’ve appreciated some honest communication, even if hurtful (“I’m sorry, I’m just not interested anymore;” “I don’t see this going anywhere,” etc.), I may not get that, and I can’t see the point in chasing it down. I wasn’t going to be that desperate retailer, offering a “discount” (in this case, my emotions) just to rope him back in again.
I certainly spent plenty of time in the “dark side” of this encounter; a whole series of thoughts like “This is why I wasn’t dating; it’s always just disappointing and painful.” “I didn’t look for this encounter, and yet it appeared in my life – why me?” “I’m never going to end up in a good, honest, intimate relationship … I am fated to these types of people/encounters.”
But how does that serve me? Remember, I believe that your thought patterns are going to directly affect the things you attract. If I choose to focus only on the negative, that negativity will perpetuate itself continuously. But if I affirm myself with the positive, I will stay out of that negative space, and in turn attract all elements of positive energy into my universe. Things get better in my life because I WILL them to be better.
I have been meditating daily, and focusing on these affirmations: Good things will happen for me, and already are happening for me. I am lovable, good, and kind. Another’s opinions of me or actions toward me do not determine my worth. Things are happening as they should in God’s plan for the universe.
So, instead of being the abandoned shopping cart, isolated and unmoving, I chose to get behind myself and push. I’m worth that, and I’m much happier being my own driver and source of forward movement … rather than looking for someone else to do it for me.
Manifesting the Best Possible Life … through Belief
What do you believe to be true about yourself and your life right now?
Do you think things are pretty good? Could be better? Likely to get worse?
What sort of energy to you project on a daily basis? What do you tell yourself about who and what you are?
Something I’ve been working on recently is the use of meditation combined with affirmations to guide me toward my best possible self and life. If I had everything I desire … if I was the person I wanted to be … what would that feel like? What would it look like? How would I be different than I am right now?
Here are some ways I’ve been working on manifesting the things I desire for myself:
1. Meditation: Every night before bed, I’ve been meditating on envisioning myself in the life of my dreams. I picture myself there, and really feel what it’s like. Sometimes I do this with a guided meditation … the Omvana app has a lot of great ones just for this purpose (available for iPhone; not sure if they’ve created an Android version yet). Other times I just listen to some ambient sounds and concentrate on this topic.
2. Affirmations: If something is troubling me, I work to tell myself that the opposite is true as a way of bringing myself around to believe it in my mind and manifest it with my actions. Living in clutter? Tell yourself: “I am organized.” Struggling with money? Tell yourself: “I am prosperous.” This has limitless possibilities: I am creative. I am a leader. I am capable. I am brave. I am loved. Say it over and over again each day until you come to believe it – even if your “inner critic” is screaming at you that it isn’t true. The more you say it, the quieter that critic will become.
3. Journaling: Remember that “dream life” I mentioned in No. 1? I wrote it out, as many details as I could think of. It’s a useful guide for the meditation. This isn’t so much about material things – I’m not aiming to live a life of gold-plated bathroom fixtures and caviar for breakfast. While I did write about where I’d like to live and what that dwelling would look like, I also included the spiritual and emotional aspects of it all as well – a true picture of complete fulfillment.
4. Setting a daily intention: Each morning, I try to set my intent for that day. What do I want to feel today? What do I want to accomplish? It could be as simple as “I want to relax,” “I want to feel joyous,” “I want to feel peaceful.” It could be bigger, like making a decision or completing a project.
5. Setting a long-term intention: This is all part of that big “dream life” goal. All those smaller daily intentions will add up to moving you toward the bigger ones.
You CAN get there – if you truly believe!
“As Within, So Without”
I’m an absolute believer that what you’re feeling inside is going to ultimately reflect out into the world – the energy you project is what you’re going to attract in return. If you’re kind and friendly on the outside but not loving yourself very much on the inside, you’ll likely have relationships with people who take advantage of that in some regard – whether it’s actual material gain, or just putting you down in order to feel better about themselves. Likewise, if you’re confident, loving toward yourself, and accepting of others, the relationships you cultivate are likely to reflect that too. Slowly, you’ll move away from negative, destructive people, and instead embrace the more positive and loving ones.
The title of this post came from a quote I saw on PurposeFairy and I thought it was just perfect. Specifically, it was this great post about a 21-day meditation challenge, something I’ve decided to try for myself. I’ve had a sporadic meditation practice going on for a while now, but I think the time has come to really add some discipline to it. (I downloaded the Omvana app too … very excited to see what it offers, and will give an update once I find out!)
Lots of people hear about meditation and think there’s no way they can do it. They picture cross-legged monks in sandals and robes, levitating off the ground and achieving some other-worldly sense of enlightenment. But they don’t picture everyday people, you and me, just sitting quietly for a dedicated amount of time each day to clear and refresh their minds. To me, that last part is really the most basic essence of meditation.
Remember, too, that meditation is called a practice for a reason – it’s not something you’re born knowing how to do right away. It’s an acquired skill, just like playing the piano or learning how to make the perfect loaf of sourdough bread. The more you try it, the better you become.
So, how does one get started on this practice? Surely, there are a million books and online resources, but these are a few things I’ve found helpful:
(1) Set aside a time to do it, faithfully, each day: It could be early in the morning, right after you get up. Maybe there’s a time in the afternoon you can set aside. Make it a part of your daily schedule and routine, and soon it will be a habit.
(2) Focus on your breathing: This will help you draw your awareness back into your body and the present moment. Sometimes it help to focus on one element of the breath – the air filling your lungs, the exhale, the rise or fall of your stomach, and so on.
(3) Let thoughts flow through your mind: Thoughts are going to arise. You’ll be distracted by the sounds around you. That’s OK. Let those things pass through your mind, then let them go and let them float away.
(4) Eyes open? Eyes closed? There are differing opinions on this, but for me, as a beginner, I find eyes closed to usually be a better place to start. You could also focus a soft gaze on something – a candle’s flame, a point in the distance where the treetops meet the sky, a blank wall.
(5) Be present, present, present: Surrender completely to all that is around you – the sounds, the feeling of the chair beneath you, the temperature of the room, and so on. For just this moment, let go of the past and don’t worry about the future – focus all of your energy on the absolute present.
Young Spirit, Old Soul 